Freaky Wednesday Night

Remember that movie genre where people would switch bodies and see what its like to be someone else? Remember how you'd laugh at Tom Hanks pretending he's a boy in "Big"? Remember that classic Freaky Friday with Jamie Lee Curtis and a pre-alcoholic Lindsey Lohan switching places and the laughter that ensued? Well, something strange like that happened at the home base last night...

It all started with the two of us staring at the TV watching what we used to call entertainment but now call "what is this crap?". After growing more disillusioned than normal after viewing a "program" with moms and daughters parading around like Miss USA contestants but looking like it was created and filmed in just under an hour, we decided to go to bed. That's when all of a sudden I didn't feel myself. I started to feel, well, more "Sarah".

As I was laying down in bed, I felt more tired than usual, and as a result started to get pretty irritated. But the more tired I got, the more I couldn't sleep. So I did what I normally would never do - I threw on some "comfy" clothes and headed to the living room. Oh, it didn't stop there... I took my place on the couch reserved for Sarah... the place where you lay down just so and the couch kind of conforms around you like it knows you. Of course, I think the couch was wondering where the extra 70 pounds was coming from. Right away I noticed a chill in the air. So, do I do what I normally do and throw an extra layer on? NO... I turn the heat up and go and grab my "blanky" from the closet. I crawled back on the couch with my pillows propped up just so and covered myself all up...

So I lay there... and lay there... and... looked for the remote. I flip around a little and search for my own version of reality TV, the Celtics game. After growing tired of them blowing out another team AGAIN (I'm so spoiled), I started to look around and see what else was on. It started with reruns of that Brady Bunch kid trying to get married to his stripper/model girlfriend, but then ended up on Lifetime, where a seemingly innocent story of a mother and child took a dramatic turn when the child went missing. I was hooked. I was even mentally trying to help the TV police find the fictional Mom's fictional child.

Oh wait, it gets worse... I haven't eaten all day mind you and had the craving for something sweet. So what do I go for? M&M's... yeah the same candy that is only reserved for one person in this house and its not me. The same candy who just a few hours prior I had to ration out to said other person to prevent her from eating an entire bag. So I sit there... and eat one, two , three... thirty-six.... until the WHOLE bag is gone. I think it is at this point I went into a sugar coma...

This morning I was awoken by the wife at 6 am, telling me to go into the bedroom and get some more sleep. Wait, 6 am? What is that pretty smell? Did she shower too??? See, if you knew us, you'd know I'M usually the one up at 5:30 and I'M the one dragging her out of bed at 6 am. So, I did what any spouse would do on their vacation having their sleep interrupted, I grabbed my "blanky", stumbled to the bedroom while throwing a tantrum. Just like someone else I know...

When I woke up later, I felt strange. More myself, I shuttered as I glanced over and saw that it was 8 am. My mouth dropped open when I walked out to the living room and witnessed the empty M&M package that may as well have been marked exhibit "A". I looked around and saw my "comfy" clothes laying on the ground... is this what the wife feels like the next morning? It seemed more like what a werewolf would feel like...

So, as I sit here typing this, wrapped in my "comfy blanky" and sipping hot chocolate, wondering how many bon-bon's are in the freezer... I was thinking...

Is there a full moon tonight?

When You Find Out Your Parents Were Wrong

When I was a kid, my Mom and Dad told me I could be anything when I grew up. If that were true, I'd be Spiderman right now.

It's amazing when your not careful even for a second how life can dictate you versus you dictating life. The place I am at today is a direct result of choices I have made by reacting to situations that have I encountered. I am positive that I am not the only one and likely there is probably less than 1% of the population that can say otherwise. When a popular insurance commercial screams at me, "Life comes at you fast" - I feel like saying, "Yeah, no shit." Even times when I can say I was proactive, for example when I found my wife (yes, found), it was still a reaction to my need for companionship. Every cause has an effect, just like everyone learns in school. But when you don't actually apply that to life and remember it when making a decision, the snowball effect one choice makes can derail an entire life plan.

Taking charge in life is not easy. It requires discipline, time management, goals and a true sense of self. I would say I am missing three out of four. Yes, you are your worst critic and I do possess a little of each, but my deficiencies overall cause great problems. Now we add partnership to the life equation. Well, without a foundation of all the other things in place and no personal direction, a partnership can be an everyday battle as one person becomes resentful of the other accomplishing goals.

Damn... lets just say that I, me for crying out loud, can be the worst partner due to never having found myself individually. I want to be many things, do many things, accomplish many things... goals really. Funny, thinking now leads me to believe I don't even have those. I have lots of IDEAS of what I THINK I want to do and become, but no concrete GOALS to speak of. Crap, make that 0-4 in taking charge of life. Could it be I am comfortable? Probably. Nothing on the outside is really "broke". I am in a MUCH better situation than many people, even people I know. But on the inside I am shattered. Having all the tangible things life can offer is great short term, but attaining these things through means not enjoyed, hell, its like selling your soul to the devil. So my "comfort" is false - especially when the demons in my head come out and remind me I am not doing whatever it is in life I want to do, or accomplishing anything truly meaningful.

Part of my problem is that thoughts, including this one I am currently having, are fleeting. I'll get up, walk away and maybe set up my iPod, or watch TV, or do whatever else will make me "relax". But by not remaining disciplined, not setting any goals to truly attain while making my time off useful in my quest, I will never have a sense of self and continue to live a life created by others by reacting to what comes at me on a day to day basis.

These are things no one tells you that I struggle to figure out now. If someone told me they don't sell spider web juice at Walmart, I would have known I needed to figure it out another way.

Gino!!! The Unofficial Mascot of the Boston Celtics

This was from the Chicago Bull/Celtics game I was at on December 21st. The video is not mine, but its great!

Live : Snow Causes Woman to Go Insane

The first real snowfall of the season is going on as we speak. Its been going on all afternoon and I was lucky enough to get home before it amounted to anything... Sarah, she was not so lucky.

The poor wife is sitting in her car and has been since 1:30... its now 6:15. Her commute home from work usually takes 40 minutes or so, depending on the hub traffic - so this is ridiculous. As I take a cursory glance at the news, it looks like the blizzard of '78 on the roadways as cars are virtually stopped on all the highways. I know that somewhere along Route 128 is a little gray Mazda with a girl that has to pee really badly.

This is not a good situation for all other drivers around her. Not only are we having issues involving the calls of nature, but I know she probably hasn't eaten anything either. See, there's an equation that can be made for how Sarah hits her melting point. Start with no food, or lack there of. Add a bladder so small that she practically drinks sitting on the toilet. To that, include someone who is probably tired - getting up early for a workday, and you end up with... a VERY UNHAPPY person.

I've learned, and in most cases still learning, to make sure that I stay out of harms way when any of these clues begin to show themselves. Of course, I can't help asking, "What's wrong?" which usually just escalates things and is the equivalent of lighting a candle with kerosene and a blow torch. Tonight, any driver that even thinks of cutting her off, is essentially asking "What's wrong?"... and they won't like the answer.

But even though I know she is at the point of no return, I know she's going to be SUPER-PISSED when she gets home and the anger will manifest itself into tears, I still wish I was with her. I wish I could do something for her... escort her out of traffic... get her to a bathroom... bring her something to eat... anything to reduce the variables that inevitably add up to trouble. I know I'll get yelled at, and I'll probably give her an attitude back (like an idiot) - but at least she won't be alone in the sea of cars that channel 7 and channel 5 are using to sensationalize their news stories tonight.

I hope she gets home soon... I miss her.

There is a battle in my head...

... And the good guys are losing.

I have come to the conclusion that I lack passion for virtually anything lately, except this blog and my online photo album. I'm not sure how it began, but I know when.

December 28, 2006 - the day we officially left Seabrook. I thought this would be an exciting journey moving to Foxboro, not unlike the one we made when we left for NH three years ago. A new place, a fresh start, the ability to begin the next chapter in our lives. Thing is, in hindsight, there wasn't really anything WRONG where we were. Granted, we lived on the noisiest road in the USA, were about 20 ft away from our neighbor outside on our deck who smoked like a chimney, had our room illuminated from the gas station and a big letter "M" from across the street, and had to make sure we weren't glowing from the nuclear power plant down the street. BUT, we had autonomy. Our own life - in a place where no one we no had ever been... we were pioneers - far enough away from everyone to have said we moved away but close enough to travel by car in a reasonable time frame. We were close to everything - malls, grocery stores, the main highways... We lived tax FREE in NH, and everything seemed cheaper, not just the beer and wine!

Sure, moving from there to present day Foxboro has its pros. The wife had the ability to look for work in a vastly larger area than she had in NH - and ended up with a great job. I was presented with an opportunity that gave me the additional car we needed, and more freedom to do things I couldn't do in my previous job positions. Plus, we are closer to friends and family, which I thought would be the most important thing planning our wedding.

Funny thing happened... I began to realize that I formed more of my grown up life and tighter "grown up" relationships up in NH. I also saw that living closer to family doesn't equal SEEING family more often anyway - its just an easier car ride home. This was supposed to be a stepping stone into the next chapter of my life - but I'm realizing now that I'm not sure I like the chapter thats coming up after taking a brief look forward. Its like by living in Foxboro, I am at the center of a swirling black hole - so many things pulling me down in my mind and far enough away from friends to the north AND the south that I really have lost the ability to go and see ANYONE on a whim.

So now, unsure of what I want to do or even still be when I grow up, not having the friend support system around, being indebted to loan and credit card companies for money that we are comfortably earning which is an evil twist to the past thought of making more money means having more money (what a load of crap) - I'm not sure where to go. I swear that the digital clock in my head is ticking away like an episode of "24", causing me to panic and think that everything I want and need to do needs to be accomplished immediately, all at once, which leads to a brain clog and battle to see what wants to come out first... funny thing is when that happens, I'm more inclined to give up and do nothing... not very positive in thinking but sit down and go thru what I put myself thru and you'll know what I mean....

Fortunately this occurs in waves larger than the biggest rides in the Hawaiian pipeline... some days I feel better about things than others... this is a depressing blog that rambles - but I feel better... Sorry for the "help me" "feel sorry for me" post...

I went to the mall the other day and didn't get shot at - my life is a lot better than those poor people - they're the ones to feel sorry for...

... the war rages on...

Damn it... I forgot it AGAIN

"The wedding band is a sign of your love for one another. It has no beginning, and it has no end."
Well, if it was so damn important, then why doesn't it come with an alarm???!!!

Yesterday was the second day... in a row... that I left the house for work without my wedding band. I knew this was going to be an issue. Back when I first got engaged, I made the mistake of saying, out loud, that I wasn't going to wear my ring all the time. I can assure you that this isn't the thing you want to tell your future wife. For some reason women think its a travesty if you aren't wearing the thing 24/7, as if when you don't have it on that you somehow love them less. I personally don't love my now wife anyless when I take it off, its just that I am in more love with knowing that the crevice under wear the ring sits for the other 23 1/2 hours is clean.

However, to forget the thing in the bathroom on its little ring holder and walk out of the house isn't what the plan was. I have been married for 7 weeks to the most wonderful girl I know. So as much as I thought that it wasn't a big deal to wear or not wear it when I was engaged... to be married and not have it on is weird. It reminds me when I look down at it that no matter how bad the day is, I have someone I love that I will go home to that will make everything better. Now, if I could just look down at my finger more often, I'd know that I was walking around without it on.

How do guys make the transformation from non-jewlrey wearing manly man who likes to know that his WHOLE ring finger is clean to a ring wearing guy who doesn't care how dirty the bottom of his finger gets? I know there's a happy medium, but I can't seem to find it. Maybe I'll have to be married for 20,30...even 50 years before I get used to it. Maybe I'll never get used to it. I suppose that most guys are lying when they say they don't notice it and secretly hope their fingers don't fall off from not washing properly... hmmm.

Whatever the case is, its ironic that a ring that reminds me of how much I can love someone, can also be a pain in the ass sometimes, which also reminds me of that same someone!!! ;)

Mamma Mia!!!!!

A hush came over the crowd at the Colonial Theater last night. No, it wasn't when the lights went down... it was when I walked in.

I took the wife into the Hub last night to see the musical she has been talking about since we met. When I was told that it was coming here, I figured it would be a great Christmas present. Understand, this is a BIG deal. If you knew me, you'd know I'm more at home sitting in the bleachers at Fenway, the nosebleeds at Gillette, or the rafters at the Garden. A sports guy. A sit at the bar and drink beer guy. So needless to say, I was going in the name of Santa Claus.

Going to a musical is a lot like me playing golf - I have no idea what to do. When I'm on a golf course, I know the people in my group get annoyed with me... Can I pick up my ball? Who shoots first? What club do I use for this? Can I shoot again? This isn't a dry course, is it?... Last night, it was my wife who may have been annoyed... Is this the end of the show? Oh, this is intermission - kind of like halftime? Do we stand? Do we clap? Are we supposed to dance too? Can I go to the bathroom?

The surprising thing is - the show was pretty good. It didn't hurt that when the show started we were introduced to the character "Sophie" who was a 20 year old girl played by the "maybe I'm good, maybe I'm naughty" girl next door. This obviously captured my attention long enough to draw me into the story. Note to all musical writers/play writers, if you want a larger, more diverse audience - put cute girls into your shows. You'll make more wives happy as every husband will want to see a musical then. It was pretty funny, and the actors could sing and dance there asses off. Some parts got a little too sappy and dull (read: zzz), but that was only about 10% of the show. So all and all, I accomplished what I set out to do - make the wife happy. She was grinning ear to ear since I told her that we were going and when we sat down in the 3rd row, I think she was in heaven. It made it all worth it to see her so happy. It was a fringe benefit that I enjoyed the show as well.

I saw a poster as we were leaving and I think the people off broadway (or on broadway but touring??? AHHA!... another question)are trying to capitalize on a new demographic - the beer drinking sports fan. How else do you explain Spamelot? I mean, what typical theater go'er likes Monty Python and the Holy Grail? That show should be AWESOME. Coming soon: South Park - The Musical!!!

My Photo Website is Up!!!

I joined the photo sharing website SmugMug. It seems a lot cleaner and easier to navigate than a lot of the others. Please stop by and check out my home page !

Chris' New Excellent Ad"Venture"

So today I sat down and continued to think of how to make extra money I don't currently have, while actually enjoying it. After going back and forth a little bit, I came up with the idea of a fantasy baseball advice website. "What?!" one might ask... but stay with me. I knew I had to write down all my interests to start somewhere... baseball came in second tied with photography (porn won but try discussing that when a family member asks, "How's work going?"). Considering I am the back to back champion of our fantasy baseball league (I have the bobble head trophy to prove it) and seeing as though WAY back in high school I created a program that transfered baseball stats into fantasy points - I knew that I had a embedded talent. Come to think of it, if I decided 14 years ago to pursue this, I might be rich AND happy right now... Of course - setting all this up with limited web knowledge and the minor thing called "current occupation", I have the odds stacked against me. But I'm a bright bulb if you can keep my interest long enough (good luck). So I will now work on this project and keep regular updates for anyone (anyone? anyone? Bueller?) who reads this blog. Any suggestions as to make it successful will be appreciated.... and probably needed.

Asspirations

So I want to be a photographer when I grow up. Since I can remember, I have jumped around from idea to idea, yet always have allowed my interest in photography to be my main denominator. "What have I done?" one may ask - well, in short, not much. I am always amazed by photos other people take, especially those which are out of the box. Me, I can't seem to shoot a picture without blur. Yet for some reason when I see an awesome picture or set of pictures, I think, "I can do that". I have yet to be struck on the head by the baseball bat of reality - so I continue with my interest. I recently got married, and became enamored with our wedding photographer's style that I decided to begin taking baby steps toward my interest. I can't tell if its the actually clicking of a camera that gets me excited or the idea that I actually look forward to something with some passion.

The problem is with technology and all there is to learn, and my need to know everything yesterday, I can't slow down enough to learn step by step to be an expert. On top of that, I have other fleeting interests that get in the way from day to day. Its the old ADD that I know I have but don't get checked or tell people about because its such a bogus catch all problem. So as the clock of life ticks forward, I get more and more concerned that I will never take advantage of any interest, or passion. Life gets in the way like that. "Go to college!" (even if your not sure what you're supposed to do) "Get a job to pay the bills!" (incurred while at college because I had no idea how to budget or that plastic doesn't equal paper) "Find a girl and get married" (everyone wants a companion, but sometimes you forget to find yourself beforehand) "Buy a house!" (that's what your supposed to do as a responsible adult, right?) "Have kids, start a family!" (shit... I'm still a kid, I still haven't grown up and become what I want to be).

I have no idea how I got on this tangent, but you understand more and more how the days are like vicious cyclones in my head as all these thoughts and more destroy my ability to think, concentrate, focus, remember and just BE. So, getting back to photography, its a passion and I'm sticking to it. Even if I have no idea what I'm doing outside of seeing a good picture. I hope by not taking other things on and erasing some "time wasters"......... then maybe I'll have enough focus to become good at something - maybe make money or more importantly make a difference with a lens - who knows...

The journey continues....